Analyzing the Past #3, Final Chapter

Is there ever really a final chapter? Probably not but there is a moment of closure of old before going to new. And this is the hard one for me to post but the one I have been working towards for approximately…10 years give or take. But it has been the  last two years that I knew what I needed to do and have been trying to get it done but it has been very hard…Forgiveness.

All the way back into in Genesis 50:17, scripture tells us the importance of forgiving those who treat you badly. All through the bible forgiveness is talked about : Exodus, Numbers, Nehemiah, multiples in Psalms, Daniel and Micah and that’s just the old testament. Then there is Matthew 18:21-22 where Jesus tells us to forgive 70 times 7. That’s a lot of forgiving. But why??? Colossians 3:13 tells us why – Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

forgiveness 1
Forgiveness

If you have read my series on Analyzing the Past #1 & #2 you will probably understand where I am going with this. My mother had drinking issues and I did not learn the lessons from her on how to correctly chose a mate and I chose poorly. I choose someone who had just as much garbage in his closet as I did and due to his mother’s issues he was an abusive man. He didn’t mean to be and hours before his death we were able to resolve most of our issues. He was physically abusive to me but verbally abusive to the children. When he got sick, a combination of diabetes and heart disease, the children were also able to get resolution for his treatment of there past but the damage is still there.

So with the help of professional counseling, strong christian friends, prayer and the love of Jesus I was able to forgive my mother and my husband for bad treatment of me. So about 2 years ago, I realized I was still angry but could not figure our why. I was notorious for going back by the cross where I had laid things at Jesus feet that I could not handle and try to pick them up again. I don’t think I am alone there. A lot of us are fix it people and sometimes you just have to Let Go and Let God. For this issue I didn’t think I was picking up and throwing away the forgiveness I had bestowed on my mother and husband but there was still a deep resentment gnawing inside me an d I did not know where it was coming from.

Last year we got a new pastor and after several months he started a new study series on forgiveness. During that series it dawned on me that I still had someone I had not forgiven and I was not sure I ever could. Lots of hurt, lots of resentment still on the table. When someone does you wrong you can find ways to reconcile that and come to forgiveness. BUT, as a mother and having someone who through their caustic behaviors and down right selfishness caused pain for her children, the woman’s grandchildren  – that is hard to forgive. Even in  her will after she died, my husbands mother struck out against at my children. And now I find it hard not to scream HOW DARE YOU? And this woman was a pillar in her church. Wow.

So this is the last leg of my journey of forgiveness for my resentment of my past. I feel n o resentment issues and think I have her fully forgiven until I run across a person that reflects that same attitude and I have to guard myself, or my tongue as it were, so that I don’t make things worse. Then I have some deep prayer time to do to get me back on the even plane God needs me on. But its hard.

No one, no one, no one ever has the right to be mean to another person whether is  physically, verbally or emotionally. And when you face this type of situation you have to be strong, dig deep and Let go and Let God. He will take care of it, he is the final judge, not us. A hard pill to swallow sometimes.

So now you may understand why I am such an advocate of kindness. Did you know that it takes more muscles in your face to create a frown and it does to make a smile. I think that is God’s way  of telling us to smile more, its less work.

And as I always say, Be kind. Today’s kind thought may not save the world but it may save the world of that one person.

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Kindness

Enjoy you weekend. Its going to be  a wet one for us. But we are smiling, no more 90 degree days for a while.

 

2 thoughts on “Analyzing the Past #3, Final Chapter

  1. My favorite saying especially when I’m struggling is, Let Go, Let God. Hugs to you as you work through forgiveness and all the tough feelings you’ve experienced. It’s not easy. The kindness you spread is heartwarming.

    Like

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